I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
