who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
