think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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