R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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