I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
