how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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