3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
