Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
