Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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