she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
