And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
