I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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