quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
