I CAN MOONWALK!
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you had me at cake vodka
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
