Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
