I'm really into asian looking animals
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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