It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
