you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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