you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
