Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
