I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
two words: eviction party
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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