Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
