you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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