I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
