Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
