i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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