Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
