i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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