and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The maid of honor just puked.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
