Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
