she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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