The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
