I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
