in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Every concussion has its silver lining
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
