Kiss
Puke
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
