ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
