wat bout pragnant strippers??
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
