There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
