I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
