also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
