i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
