Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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