apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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