I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
