it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
