You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
