take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
