I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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