what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
