I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
