I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
