I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
